Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
