he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
