I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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