haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
