I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My liver just had a heart attack.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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