My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
