Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize