I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
