five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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