Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
