why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize