And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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