She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
