I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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