This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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