The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My dick has a subreddit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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