Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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