We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
