I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
