Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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