New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
