woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
