You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
