First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I die, sorry about rent.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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