**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
are you so shy because you have an std?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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