Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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