We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I deserve this hangover.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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