Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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