Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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