Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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