I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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