dude i'm inner monologue high
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
