I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
