M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize