There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
