I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
