I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
