I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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