i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
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