Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
