I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
