my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
