Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
