How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Please, let me fuck your mom
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
