I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't deserve a penis
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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