I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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