Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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