I just made out with a guy for $7.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
