U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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