you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
