I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
