my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
