They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
