Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
