escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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