How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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