In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My dick has a subreddit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
