I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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