Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
