I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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