like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
