She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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