You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
