Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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