Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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