Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
