I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
