just tell him i said nine months
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
