dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
