The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
