she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
