Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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