I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
