It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
