ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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