Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
