Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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