At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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