i was born a porn star she said
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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