Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
