Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
