So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm just crazy horny about you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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