dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
