i need an iv and a liver transplant
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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