I just threw up on my dentist
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
