He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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