Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
