I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I skipped work to stalk him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
