The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
