Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
