I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
