I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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