i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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