I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize