fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
