Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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