He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
