'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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