I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
