I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
