The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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