its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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