It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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