Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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