Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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