I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
