my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize