bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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