I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
