I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
