Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
