escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
